lagging
lately, i find myself wanting to do nothing at all. no teaching, no reading, no exploring, no writing in my blog. just.... nothing. i've been depressed before and wanted to do nothing. this, however, feels different. perhaps i am a little burned out. i've not had daily contact with so many people in a long while. i've been traveling an awful lot. or maybe it's because the year is almost over and many things will change soon. i've never handled change very well. hrm. i can't put my finger on it. i don't feel depressed, though, which is absolutely awesome.
i've begun to go to the gym again. that will probably help the wannadonothing feeling. i should start exercising my English. the language portion of my brain is most definitely eroding. my english is terrible now, at least in speaking. i often catch myself saying "i wants," "they is," etc. i have difficulty remembering words larger than 3 syllables. ~lol~ i hope it improves again when i go home.
tonight walking home i saw a man riding a bike with an adorable baby sitting in this tiny baby basket attached to the handlebars. it was the tiniest seat i've ever seen. this baby looked just old enough to hold its head up. so cute!
i think i might travel now over the christmas break. i will be home in june for a while. there are so many places i want to go here, i think i might feel like i wasted a chance to see more of southeast asia.
hong kong photos soon, maybe tomorrow morning. i'm almost done. have been learning how to use a new photo site - it's designed after a physical photo album and thus far is a fantastic program. it uploads photos in less than a quarter of the time it takes me to upload to dotphoto or ophoto. i can upload videos now, too! you can finally see some of the things and places i've seen this year practically in person. am excited. my laptop hard drive doesn't have enough memory for me to upload large quantities of photos, so i'll be building my site slowly. i'll let you know as it's updated. link soon.
i've begun to go to the gym again. that will probably help the wannadonothing feeling. i should start exercising my English. the language portion of my brain is most definitely eroding. my english is terrible now, at least in speaking. i often catch myself saying "i wants," "they is," etc. i have difficulty remembering words larger than 3 syllables. ~lol~ i hope it improves again when i go home.
tonight walking home i saw a man riding a bike with an adorable baby sitting in this tiny baby basket attached to the handlebars. it was the tiniest seat i've ever seen. this baby looked just old enough to hold its head up. so cute!
i think i might travel now over the christmas break. i will be home in june for a while. there are so many places i want to go here, i think i might feel like i wasted a chance to see more of southeast asia.
hong kong photos soon, maybe tomorrow morning. i'm almost done. have been learning how to use a new photo site - it's designed after a physical photo album and thus far is a fantastic program. it uploads photos in less than a quarter of the time it takes me to upload to dotphoto or ophoto. i can upload videos now, too! you can finally see some of the things and places i've seen this year practically in person. am excited. my laptop hard drive doesn't have enough memory for me to upload large quantities of photos, so i'll be building my site slowly. i'll let you know as it's updated. link soon.
posted by smochs at 12:55 AM
10 Comments:
I bet you make it sound easier than it feels. Don't kick yourself for wasting time! You can only do what you can do.
Change is stressful, and change is imminent for you right now. . .but don't forget, it's always imminent, and the only thing you can do is decide to like it.
Or at least tolerate it.
TMI,
Annie
Annie's right--you can't do everything. Even if you see every country around Korea, you're still going to be jealous when someone else talks about how much they've seen around the Mediterranian. :) It's just what happens, so we have to accept it, which is really hard sometimes. I think that's one of the reasons that we can get caught up in feeling inadequate and not accepting where we are in our lives. At least, it is for me, so I'll just merrily project all over you, too. Ha!
I think you're probably feeling sad that Rod's making plans to leave, and we know that long distance can be pretty hard. But don't look for things to worry about. You have the strength of soul to meet your problems when they come.
Much love,
Mel
Sara, Check your 9/20 blog comments
Uncle Dave
Oh girl! I totally understand the want to do nothing feeling. Like right now. Mmmm...nap... Actually, I've played hooky from homework a bit this weekend...but only because we threw a baby shower for my sister in law today, and between buying last minute gifts, making food, transporting, setting up, having the party, cleaning up, transporting her (and a carload of presents) home, and coming back, I've been pretty busy. Nothing sounds lovely. But, alas, there's more Chekhov to read :) Which isn't such a horrible thing.
Ditto what everyone else has said. Remember to go easy on yourself. You've been through a boatload of change and struggle this year! It's okay if you have down times. It's probably your brain and spirit trying to catch up with all of the input you've been loading into it this past year. You just need to give it a chance to catch up!
I can't believe it's been almost a year. I miss you tons, and yet the time has flown. Crazy how that works.
Love and transcontinental hugs,
Steph
Hi Sara!
I, too, feel like doing nothing and getting nothing done. I think I'm a little burnt out after spending so much time being a Mommy, and now that Hannah's at school, it's all finally catching up with me. I'm starting to crawl out of the morass, but it's slow going.
I wish you courage, love and much humor sense as my mother would say to get through this weird, wild, wonderful next few months. At least it's an adventure!
Love,
Jeany.
Hi Sara, I just wanted to say I missed you. Molly
annie ~ thank you! :) that makes me feel better. i think i make it sound worse than it actually is. i've decided to likeolerate change in slightly larger doses every day 'til i can wrap my brain around it and feel comfortable. ~lol~ thanks, man!
mel ~ thank you too! dang, i miss my therapist. all of you commentators are my proxy therapists. ~lol~ thanks for the reminder. here. now. i think some of it is burn out and some is just not knowing what's going on next year and some is having too many choices and not being able to decide what to do next year so i'll know what's going on next year. ~grin~
dave ~ hello! i checked your comments, and i'm so sorry i missed you! bibimbap is similar to bokumbap, except it has different vegetables. also, i neglected to mention that bokumbap usually has fried rice, but i use fresh rice in mine. bibimbap's my favorite korean rice dish! i eat it at least once a week, and it's sooooo good here. i am looking forward to making it at home too, though it might be hard to find some of the ingredients. rats! how are you all? i hope all is well!!!!
stephanie ~ holy busy weekend you had! it sounds pretty fun, though. :) oh, i miss cooking for parties! thank you also for your words, all of you are making me feel so much better. :) i can't believe the year is almost up. so much is different at home. kind of cool. will be like moving to a new city when i come back. hug right back at you. i hope all is well. you've had more than your share of change and stress the last few months.
jeany ~ humor sense! i love! dude, does it feel good to have a break from mommy time? is hannah still loving kindergarten? i hope all is well and the morass wears away soon. oi. i hate it when my humor sense starts to wear away. i understand a little bit now why some of my teachers from long ago acted the way they did. ~lol~ hang in there!
molly ~ i miss you too! how are you? and i have your wedding present sitting in my apartment. rotten friend that i am. i'll give it to you over christmas maybe, yes?
Hi sweetheart,
I have been reading your blog since you left the states. Please don't be too hard on yourself or analytical about life in general. Believe me, it's easier if you just take one day at a time.
We miss you! We had Grandma's 84th birthday bash here last Sunday and there was a void because you and Joel were not here! But...we know that everybody needs to do what they want to do...
I love you, Sara, enjoy your experience/adventure.
Auntie Suz
hi suzie! how're you? hope all is well! i have to call grandma and wish her a happy belated birthday. am glad her party was fun. was talking to mom & dad about it this weekend. thanks for your words, i am trying not to get too down on myself. it's a bad habit. one day at a time is a much better way of doing things. :)
Already linked you to mine. I'm from SE MN.
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