goals, old & new
the other day i browsed the archives of this blog, looking back on the first three months i lived here. i arrived december 26, 2005. it will be four years at the end of the month. i can't believe it.
looking back at those first few months, it's fascinating to see how positive i was. what do i remember about then? i remember fear. crying-at-night-before-bed fear. i remember excitement. such excitement! it was intoxicating, being in a new place that was so different from home. it changed the way i think. i remember how much i loved to travel, how i couldn't wait to get out and explore. mostly, i remember wanting so badly to grow and change and get over myself.
it was funny to read my goals, stated in my second ever post. did i meet them? let's see...
1. "I want to live somewhere besides the Midwest, USA before I die." um..... yes.
2. "I want exposure to other cultures." another yes. i've lived in seoul. in addition to previous travels, since moving to seoul i've been to hong kong, macau, nearly all of southeast asia, tokyo, and all over south korea. i've had exposure. ...though, in-depth exposure? only in seoul, and that is tempered by my foreigner, forever-an-outsider status.
3. "I want to become a better risk taker." yes and no. i did become better after my first two years. last year i regressed. this year i am hoping to grow again.
4. "I want to eat good kimchee [sic] every day." well.... i don't eat kimchi every day. i have, however, learned how to spell it in english. ~lol~ and i always have a tub in the fridge, just in case.
5. "I want to see someone I look like -- not in the harharallasianslookalike way, but someone I truly look like." this is a tough one. i haven't seen anyone that i think i look like. however, i've found that many of the adoptees i've met here say they haven't seen people that they think they look like, which has been comforting. and it makes sense. it's not like all koreans actually do look alike. ~lol~
on a side note, it's been fascinating seeing race relations here - living in a place where asians are the majority yet i've thought of them as a minority all my life. it's eye opening to see the ways majorities are similar no matter where you live. but, i digress. will talk about this in another post. back to goals.
6. "I want to be able to save some of my salary." i did save some. then i spent it. then i saved it. then i spent it. so i guess this one is a yes, because i was able to save some. and now i'll save some more. and then spend it. ~lol~
so, those were my goals four years ago. what are my goals now, for the last year in seoul?
well, we have a wedding and an expensive visa to pay for, so saving is a definite goal again.~^^
i failed at learning to speak korean last year, not only in not learning the language as well as i wanted but also in allowing it to affect my self-confidence. now that i've had some distance, i'd like to study again this year, at a much slower pace, and put less pressure on myself to do well.
i'd also like to get a better grip on my fear of making mistakes. i made a lot of progress my first two years here, then lost major ground last year. i think this year will be much better.
i want to grow as a photographer and continue learning how to cook korean food. i discovered a love of photography after moving here. taking pictures has also changed the way i look at the world. and learning to cook korean food will help ease the transition back to life at home when i'm really missing korea, the way i miss home right now.
last, i'd like to enjoy this year as much as possible. it's the last year. i want to come back in the future and travel, but that won't be the same. i want to experience everything to the fullest, the good and the bad, whatever comes my way. it all helps me grow. (hopefully. ~lol~)
looking back at those first few months, it's fascinating to see how positive i was. what do i remember about then? i remember fear. crying-at-night-before-bed fear. i remember excitement. such excitement! it was intoxicating, being in a new place that was so different from home. it changed the way i think. i remember how much i loved to travel, how i couldn't wait to get out and explore. mostly, i remember wanting so badly to grow and change and get over myself.
it was funny to read my goals, stated in my second ever post. did i meet them? let's see...
1. "I want to live somewhere besides the Midwest, USA before I die." um..... yes.
2. "I want exposure to other cultures." another yes. i've lived in seoul. in addition to previous travels, since moving to seoul i've been to hong kong, macau, nearly all of southeast asia, tokyo, and all over south korea. i've had exposure. ...though, in-depth exposure? only in seoul, and that is tempered by my foreigner, forever-an-outsider status.
3. "I want to become a better risk taker." yes and no. i did become better after my first two years. last year i regressed. this year i am hoping to grow again.
4. "I want to eat good kimchee [sic] every day." well.... i don't eat kimchi every day. i have, however, learned how to spell it in english. ~lol~ and i always have a tub in the fridge, just in case.
5. "I want to see someone I look like -- not in the harharallasianslookalike way, but someone I truly look like." this is a tough one. i haven't seen anyone that i think i look like. however, i've found that many of the adoptees i've met here say they haven't seen people that they think they look like, which has been comforting. and it makes sense. it's not like all koreans actually do look alike. ~lol~
on a side note, it's been fascinating seeing race relations here - living in a place where asians are the majority yet i've thought of them as a minority all my life. it's eye opening to see the ways majorities are similar no matter where you live. but, i digress. will talk about this in another post. back to goals.
6. "I want to be able to save some of my salary." i did save some. then i spent it. then i saved it. then i spent it. so i guess this one is a yes, because i was able to save some. and now i'll save some more. and then spend it. ~lol~
so, those were my goals four years ago. what are my goals now, for the last year in seoul?
well, we have a wedding and an expensive visa to pay for, so saving is a definite goal again.~^^
i failed at learning to speak korean last year, not only in not learning the language as well as i wanted but also in allowing it to affect my self-confidence. now that i've had some distance, i'd like to study again this year, at a much slower pace, and put less pressure on myself to do well.
i'd also like to get a better grip on my fear of making mistakes. i made a lot of progress my first two years here, then lost major ground last year. i think this year will be much better.
i want to grow as a photographer and continue learning how to cook korean food. i discovered a love of photography after moving here. taking pictures has also changed the way i look at the world. and learning to cook korean food will help ease the transition back to life at home when i'm really missing korea, the way i miss home right now.
last, i'd like to enjoy this year as much as possible. it's the last year. i want to come back in the future and travel, but that won't be the same. i want to experience everything to the fullest, the good and the bad, whatever comes my way. it all helps me grow. (hopefully. ~lol~)
posted by smochs at 11:39 PM
2 Comments:
i love this post! i also love that i can comment on it without being a creepy stalker person like i was the last time i wrote on here...^^
HA! not a creepy stalker person. i'm going to get my links in order tonight and link to your blog. am excited to read your book reviews!
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