hip-hop

korean hip hop is so awesome.  it's not about self or money or guns or trash talk -- it's about good music.  i'm addicted.


this is "Monster" by Drunken Tiger.  it's the korean version.  there's an english version, too, but no video with that one.  





the lead dude is called Tiger JK.  this next song is about him and his wife and their new son.  (축하해 "chook-ah-hae" means 'congratulations')





this one is called "Black Happiness" by Tasha (aka Yoon Mi-rae), who's married to Tiger JK.  it's got english subs.  she's half korean, half african-american, and this song is about the problems she faced growing up.





so. good.  


last, this one is by Dynamic Duo.  i have no idea what the lyrics are saying, sadly, but the video is hilarious. it's just like flipping through cable channels...

i made these

inudge.com is a pretty cool site.  


i made this.  and this.  and this.  

"따라해" ("Wannabe") by Epik High

lovelovelove this song and video.  it's a parody of the movie "The Host", but it's pretty funny whether you've seen the movie or not.  it's by Epik High.  







oh, and here it is with a rough, unofficial translation.  




love~<3<3<3

음악 (music) & too much thinking

went to see Epik High in concert last weekend.  they're a super talented hip-hop group.  three guys - Tablo, Mithra, and DJ Tukutz.  they were awesome!!!  they played lots of oldies plus some songs from their new album, [e].  best is their music video for the first single, 따라해 (Wannabe).  it's a parody of the movie The Host.  super funny!

went with a friend - we had seats in the 7th row, right behind all of the video equipment, news media, family.  it was an interesting place to sit, though next time we want to get standing tickets and hang out closer to the stage.

mithra and tablo.

Dynamic Duo and Drunken Tiger both performed mid-way through the show.  wh00t!  both are hip hop groups.  no photos of DD, sadly, but here's one of DT.  Tiger JK (standing center) is freaking awesome.

finale.

i'm going to the R16 world b-boy championship this weekend.  would love to go all weekend, but will just be there sunday.  will see a lockin and poppin 2 on 2 challenge  and an awesome hip-hop concert with more Epik High and Drunken Tiger.... excited! 


am working more.  did a voice recording today - am the voice of a new samsung robot vacuum cleaner.  ~LOL~  random!


have been grappling with identity issues lately.  i think i might be in mourning for my lost korean self.  it sounds cheesy, but lately, when i'm out walking, going about daily business, i feel like i've died.  sounds horridly dramatic, but i don't mean to be dramatic.  it's hard to verbalize this feeling.  aaaaaaagggggggghhhhhhhh, it just... it feels like part of me is dead, dying, invisible, inaccessible, absent... don't know the right words.   >_<


i used to be so happy when i walked around outside.  as long as i didn't open my mouth, i fit in.  it felt so comfortable.  


i guess after going to school last year and burning out, now i can't pretend as well.  i have a better understanding of what it would take to regain that Korean part of me that was lost when i was adopted -- and i believe that even if i completed the language program, continued studying afterwards, married a native korean, and lived here for the rest of my life, i'd never completely fit.  my thought process, my values, my ideas, my walk, even my laugh, they're all too American, too Western.  


it bums me the fuck out.  


for the record, i'm not dissing being american.  i just can't figure out how to reconcile my looks with my insides, if that makes any sense. there's a major gap.  i've been white for so long... i'm barely Asian-American, let alone Korean.  


AND, what do i do when R & i have kids?  they'll be half Korean.  how can i help them be in tune with their Korean selves when i can't figure it out for myself?  what will i teach them?  even after 3+ years here, i know so little.  


so.  enough for now.  i've got some work to do.  thinking, working through some grief, some anger, some sadness, some panic, some judgement.  


deep breath.

photos

have been looking through old photos.

need to take more.

here and there and back again, or how learning korean kicked my ass

hello there. long time, eh? almost a year. i thought about leaving this blank 'til the 29th, it's just 17 more days...

but, you know. naaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

thank you for all of the well wishes last year. they helped me a lot. i would come back to the blog and read them throughout the year.

the year. it was difficult. i think i have some kind of emotional block with korean. not sure. it was a lot harder than i was expecting, emotionally.

i won't go into detail. just that it was a difficult year, i got pretty sick, gained a lot of weight, and dropped out of school in late spring (just after mid-terms for level 3). i didn't write here because it was sort of painful. weird, eh?

but it wasn't all bad.

i ~~~~

~~~made some awesome friends. most have gone back to japan now, which is sad. one from the states is still here, though, and she's awesome. i'm really grateful she's still around.

~~~got engaged to the Canadian Boy.~^^

~~~went home this summer and worked on a great musical with awesomeawesomeawesome people.

now am back in seoul for one more year. mostly b/c the paperwork to bring Canadian Boy to the USofA takes, on average, 9+ months. we didn't want to be apart for 9+ months again... he can save more money here... it seemed completely wrong that he would be in Seoul while i was in Minnesota... AND i didn't want to end the experience in Korea on last year's confidence-sucking slump.

so here we are.

well. currently here i am. the Canadian boy finished his contract (at a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad hagwon) and is on a well-deserved vacation with his family in Canada. he'll be back in a month or so, when he finds a (hopefully) wonderful, awesome, super nice, very good job.

i'm trying to build a private lesson studio. am also trying to figure out my thoughts on adoption, whether to do a birth family search, whether i can handle studying korean in a possibly less-stressful situation or if i'm always going to feel... like an american, fake-korean failure.

dude. yeah... emotional something-something going on.

so. last year. was. kind of. a mess.

~lol~

anyway. here's bits of last year in photos. random order, sorry 'bout that. ends with my time back home in minnesota. photos of happenings since i've been back next time.

will check in soon. sooner than 348 days, anyway. ha.